watching airplanes

The people have asked for a blog update and I think it is about time. I meant to be better at updating this, but it's just kind of different when there aren't any big specific events happening. 

What have we been up to? One way to describe where we are right now is "watching airplanes." You know the song, "I'm just sitting round here watching airplanes take off and fly..." Well, in the adoption world, the first few months home with your child where things are all rainbows and butterflies are known as "the honeymoon." Our first few weeks in Ethiopia with Eliyas were rough. We were expecting our honeymoon to start right away, so we were a little shocked that there was no champagne or roses. By God's grace we got through and about the third week we turned a huge corner. It was like he all the sudden started trusting us and believing we truly loved him. I can only imagine all that was going on in his heart and his head those first few weeks. Why weren't we picking him up and going home like all the other families? We weren't telling him much about the whole waiver dilemma, we just kept saying we were waiting on embassy. But he is a smart kid, and I'm learning more every day how observant he is. He had to have been picking up on the fact that I was a WRECK. Things were crazy. Chase was sick, I was falling apart at the seams. 

Anyways... since we've been home, things have been going pretty smoothly. Sure we have our hard days, tears, breakdowns... but luckily for us, this is all new. Parenting, parenting an older child, parenting an adopted child, parenting a child from a hard place... We have nothing to compare this to. There are days when I can't imagine having another child. Then there are days when I'm ready to sign up to adopt again, heck maybe siblings next time! (By the way, babies seriously scare me now. Children who sleep 11 hours a night and can get their own OJ from the fridge and banana off the counter when mom wants to sleep in till 10 AM... those are some pretty awesome children to introduce you to the parenthood thing.) We are learning so much every day, all three of us. We read lots of books before E came home, I've read tons of blogs, but nothing really prepares you for what it's like in real life. I forget most of what the books say, what I do remember doesn't seem to work. Ask for a do-over in this house? World War 3. "Would you like a compromise?" gets you a nice, "Would YOU like a compromise??!?!!!" The things a 9 year old with limited (though getting scarily better by the day) English can say are pretty shocking. (Surely I was nothing like this as a 9 year old, right Mom???? :)) I am finding new things every day that "work" as far as disciplining goes, and celebrate the little victories. Disciplining a 9 year old, who has probably never been disciplined before, is like setting boundaries for a 2 year old in a 9 year old's body. It's new for him and it's scary. 

I'm getting to the airplanes part, I promise... we have had some wonderful days with Eliyas home. His laugh is amazing. His smile will melt your heart... not to mention it helps him get away with a whole lot. He is trusting us more every day with pieces of his past. I sometimes feel like there is no way he has been somewhere else the past 9 years, surely he's always slept in his little fortress of a bed a few feet away from us. Then there's the tears and grief to remind us of the truth. He has been through more than I could ever imagine. And he's come out smiling and loving. Wow. What grace. He told me this week, "Now I know that you're my mom." I said, "What do you mean?" And he said, "In Ethiopia, I was scared. Now, I know you're my mom and I love you." I pray he knows this deep down. He is forever loved, forever our son, and we are not going anywhere. 

What is Eliyas like? What does he like to do? He loves playing outside; soccer, basketball (probably his new favorite), football, riding his bike... he loves going to Main Event or Gattiland and playing video games. He loves watching movies or playing video games at home as well. :) He loves going to Jumpstreet (note, any trampoline is now called "jumpstreet" due to the name of the indoor trampoline park. :)) Let me share with you some of our favorite things about our precious boy. He is a protector. Some days, when he's about to go outside and play with his friends, he tells me, "If you're scared, I can stay inside with you." He insists that I lock the front door or close the garage door behind him. He is loving and caring. When I see him playing with friends (from a distance... because play dates in our home or on our terms are a whole different game :)), he is always making sure they're okay if they fall, taking the blame if someone got hurt, even when it clearly wasn't his fault, giving hugs if someone is upset or crying. Kids are always coming to the door asking if he can play. We are blessed to have a group of kids right around the corner from him that he gets to play with almost every day. Little did we know when we moved in this neighborhood, that God would have this group of older boys, ranging from probably 2nd grade to 8th grade, to be our boy's friend. They're so sweet with him. They love to play soccer with him and tell him, and us, how good he is. They even say his name right! Which always surprises me. :) He is so brave and he is so smart. He started school on January 7th and he is just amazing us with how well he is doing. The first couple of days at home, after school, were tough. The adjustment brought out lots of emotions and it was hard. Really hard. 

Hard moments, like the first week of school, are moments that make me scared the honeymoon is over. We read so much about the really hard stuff in adoption, people tell you constantly, "Oh, it's just the honeymoon phase..." Hinting that the crazy is about to come out. It's like I am constantly waiting for the bottom to fall out. For the most part I feel like I do a decent job of living in the now, appreciating the tiny victories, the big victories. Celebrating the good days. When the hard stuff does come out, i.e. first week of school, I immediately go to this place of terror that this is it. The other shoe has dropped. Stuff is about to hit the fan. He's going to start lying, hoarding food, destroying things, manipulating, and on and on. When you mention in an adoption Facebook group that things aren't going so well, you might hear something like, "At about 3 months, they start becoming more comfortable with you so lots of these behaviors come out." And you don't really know what life after the honeymoon is like. You hear stories that are scary. You wonder how you could possibly go through what these families go through.

So that is what I mean by watching airplanes. I'd say we are still on the honeymoon, for the most part, or maybe starting to become comfortable newlyweds. I'm not saying it's all sunshine and roses, but for the most part, things are good. So I kind of live in this stage of waiting for the airplane to come to take us to the island of really hard stuff. I pray it doesn't. I pray that God would help me to live in the now, and to not worry about what could come. I pray that if we do get to that island, that I would be reminded of God's goodness. Of his promises that I know are true. I have learned so much on our journey. Gained SO many new, amazing, lifelong friends. (If you feel like you don't have any friends, just adopt. You'll gain this indescribably amazing community that will carry you through on days when you feel like you can't walk on your own.) I have learned that things aren't always easy, that life isn't always easy, and that God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called. So whatever lies ahead, I know that our God will sustain us. He will guide us and direct our steps. 

We are blessed beyond measure. At the end of the day, we are still in awe that God chose us to be this boy's parents. As I was telling a friend today, it feels crazy that they let us get on a plane and take him to America. We never took a test. (Or maybe that's called a home study... lol) Some days I don't feel like we are ready for this, but yet he trusts us anyways, loves us, forgives us when we make mistakes. And I think Chase and I are reminded on a daily basis that we are just blessed to be here. To be home as a family of 3. There were plenty of days in Ethiopia that we weren't sure that that was going to happen anytime in the next 9 months. God has performed miracle after miracle, and we are so thankful. 

We had a great time celebrating Eliyas at a "Welcome Home" party a couple weeks ago.

Hebrews 12:1-2

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.