living in two worlds

As a friend worded so perfectly, "You're living in two worlds." I was telling her how torn and incomplete I feel, it's just so hard to explain. I am here, but my heart is in Ethiopia. At any time of the day I look at the clock and can imagine what he's doing. It's about 2 pm there right now, they probably just ate lunch and are taking "naps". I think they have to go to their shared room and rest, but seemed like they were usually talking and laughing or playing some sort of a game. Maybe he's looking at our photo album like we know he did so many times... One day when we showed up at the orphanage I was wearing a shirt that he recognized from one of the pictures we had previously sent. As soon as we got there he held up a finger for us to wait, ran to his room to get the photo album then brought it out pointing at the picture and back at my shirt. He is so smart, and observant! 

I keep trying to sum up in words how I feel after so much has just happened. We left the country for the first time, to go to a third world country, to meet our beautiful son, then we just left it all. I sometimes feel like it's not fair that we get to just come back to life as we knew it, and in a way just forget everything that happened. When so much has changed. Our hearts and our eyes have been opened to a world we only knew about from pictures. Now we ask ourselves, "What else can we do?" Right now we are praying that the Lord would use us in ways that we can't even imagine. At this point last year we could never have imagined where the Lord would lead us. I am so thankful He is the one writing our story, we would have never put these chapters in on our own! The Lord has given us the opportunity to bring one of the fatherless into our family, but there are so many more. And there are so many mothers and families all over the world that are hanging on by a thread. Moms are going to sleep tonight praying that they can feed their children tomorrow. More needs to be done to prevent families from falling apart. You might not be called to adopt, but you are called to care for the fatherless and the widow. There are wonderful organizations that are doing just that, defending the fatherless and the widow. We support a family through Bring Love In's "Keep One Home" program. I know there are other organizations like this one who are doing amazing things. If you are reading this tonight, I ask that you would pray about how you can care for the least of these. Maybe you can't adopt, but you can do something. 

Well-meaning people tell us all the time, "He is so lucky." I know they mean well, but no, no he's not. He lost his birth family, has experienced more in his life than we could ever imagine. We are the lucky ones. God is allowing us to be a part of His redemption story in our son's life. We cannot wait to see how God is going to use this amazing young man. He is a young man! Wow. This little boy who has stolen our hearts, and will soon steal yours as soon as you meet him, is a young man whom God has entrusted us with. We don't take this duty lightly. Please pray with us as we walk through these next months with our sweet boy. We pray for healing, that God would heal his hurts and wounds. We pray God would comfort and protect him as he comes to this new world where everything is different. We pray for understanding, for all three of us. We pray he would understand as we figure out for the first time how to be parents, that we want what is best for him always, and that we will never stop loving him no matter what. 

Since I've been asking for a lot tonight, I'd like to ask a few more things... I know people mean well and would never intentionally say or do things that would upset us (well, let's be honest...I'm talking about me here) so if you have said or asked these things please don't think I have any hard feelings. Honestly, these things have been asked or said so much I don't know who's said or asked! Please don't ask us when we plan on having kids of "our own", or when I plan on getting pregnant. He is "our own", he is my baby. He is all we could have dreamed for or hoped for. We don't know what the future holds, right now we are focusing on bringing our boy home and loving him the best we can. Please don't tell us he's lucky, you can tell us all day, every day how lucky we are, because we are. We are so blessed by this amazing boy.  We also ask that you don't ask about his history, his background, parents, etc... I know it is natural to want to ask, but at this point we don't know how much he wants or we want to share. It's his story, his history. We really don't know the whole story ourselves, so please respect all of our privacy on this. And please don't ask our parents or siblings either. Just congratulate them on the most beautiful grandson or nephew you've ever seen. :)

And since it is the 10 million dollar question... when will we go back? (This question is welcomed btw :)) At this point, we don't know for sure. We are waiting for clearance from US Embassy. We estimate we could return around the second week of October. As we all know, none of this is in our hands and things could change for the sooner or the later. We are begging and praying that it is sooner. Another 6+ weeks of living in this half-here, half-there world is going to be tough, but we know God's plan is bigger and better than ours. We are resting in Him and trusting that He has this under control. We appreciate all your support and prayers, we really couldn't be doing this without all of you!

Isaiah 41:13 - For I the Lord your God, hold your right hand; 

it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you."

blessed {court trip week 2}

I've been dreading writing this post. The "we're home" post. Somehow it makes it seem so final to put it in words. Like maybe if I don't document it all we can just teleport back to Ethiopia! It's so hard to be back, but it is good to be home. Back to familiarity and family and friends. It's just hard to figure out how to do "normal" without him here. After everything we have seen and experienced, how do we just come back to our luxurious life as if nothing ever happened? I feel incomplete, and a little irresponsible for just living my everyday life without even considering Eliyas. I wonder what he would want for breakfast, will he sleep in? Only a couple months until I find these things out, I hope!

Let me try to recap the last week+... we left off with our trip to Entoto Mountain. It was a sweet time with Eliyas just being a family outside the walls of the orphanage. We fit so perfectly and naturally like we had been doing this family thing for the last 9 years. Over and over, we just keep thinking how blessed we are. We are so thankful God entrusted us to be his parents. He is such a gift. It was neat to see him taking in all the sights and surroundings. 

We spent the next couple of days soaking up time with Eliyas. We learned that he is amazing at any sport or activity he tries. His hand-eye coordination is awesome. He is good with a football, soccer ball, marbles, basketball... we think he will be great at anything he tries. It's so fun to watch him play. His smiles and facial expressions are priceless. He is so expressive. We were savoring our time with him as we knew it was coming to an end all too soon. Our flight was scheduled to leave Monday night, July 29th, and we were both dreading it. 

We got to talk to a man who worked for our agency who said he was the first one to meet Eliyas when he came to the orphanage. He was telling us how amazingly smart and mature he was from day one. We have been thinking the whole time, wow this kid is SO smart, but it's always nice to hear it confirmed from someone else. He told us how Eliyas first came to his office, he opened up his laptop, went straight to Microsoft Word and starting typing his name and his friends' names. He couldn't believe it! We have also been surprised at how well he can work all of our electronics. I keep asking him if he learned it in school but I haven't gotten an answer yet! He also told us that he is such a sweet and friendly boy, is very adaptable, and is very good at expressing his thoughts and feelings. He said because of his personality and characteristics he really thinks he will have a pretty smooth transition coming to America. This was encouraging to hear, but we are expecting and preparing ourselves for some hard days ahead. We are praying that the Lord will prepare his heart for the changes ahead and that God will direct our steps to making it as smooth as transition for him as possible. 

Wiping my tears, such a sweet boy

Monday finally came around and it was time for us to go. We struggled the whole day, we were heartbroken to leave our son. We told him goodbye that afternoon and just didn't feel right, of course, about leaving. As we were saying our goodbyes I was crying, Eliyas pulled toilet paper out of his pocket to wipe my tears. We joke that he probably saw all the tears on the first day and knew he needed to be prepared on the last day. :) When we got back to the guest home we debated staying a little longer or staying through till embassy, but at the last minute decided we better just get in the van and go to the airport. As we were packing our things Chase realized he didn't have his passport or jacket that his passport was in. He must have left it at the orphanage. This was after 7PM and we knew that the doors get locked at 7 and the kids went to sleep, so we knew we weren't going to be able to get back in. Plus, having to go to the orphanage would have been an hour+ detour from the airport and we wouldn't have made our flight. At that point, we just thought we would try to get a flight out a few days later.

We were more than thankful for some extra days with Eliyas. When we went to see him the next day and he ran to us and jumped in Chase's arms, I don't think he had done this before. He was so excited to see us. We were so glad for this bonus time with our sweet boy. We were still trying to get on a flight for later in the week, but were surprised to find out there wasn't a confirmed flight until the 21st!! Neither of us were upset about 3 more weeks with our son, but it was starting to get old living out of a suitcase and eating out every meal. We were told we might be able to get out on standby sooner so we just checked in with the airline every few days to see if we should bother coming to the airport.

In the meanwhile, Eliyas learned how to give eskimo kisses, played lots of football and soccer with Dad, ate a few hamburgers and pizzas with us, and we all just enjoyed the extra family time together. We got to go along to get his passport done at the immigration office (we didn't stand out at ALL there :)) and went to some doctor's appointments with him that we think are for his medical clearance for embassy. We were glad to see these things started so soon! Progress in the right direction!! 

We celebrated Chase's birthday while we were there. That morning, I told Eliyas that it was his birthday and asked if he knew how old he was, he quickly replied, "26!" He asked us on the first day how old we were, and I guess he remembered that Chase was 25. Wow, smart boy! We went to Makush Art Gallery for lunch and picked up a couple of paintings of Harar, where E is from, and had popcorn and cereal for dinner at the guest home. We both wanted something familiar, that wasn't pizza or pasta. We thought we would just be eating a bunch of Ethiopian food while in country, but every restaurant pretty much had pizza, pasta, and hamburgers! Eliyas loves all of those things too, wasn't expecting that! :)

Later in the week, we called the airline again to check on the waiting list and they told us we could get a confirmed flight out at the end of the week! We were hesitant to leave our son, but we knew Chase had to get back to work if someone was going to pay for the next trip to bring him home! We soaked up every last minute with Eliyas and thankfully this goodbye wasn't quite as painful. He has seen the process happen enough to know that families come, and then they go for a while before they come back. I think he was starting to get confused about why we were still there! As hard and terrible as it was to leave, we were comforted knowing that the Lord's timing is perfect and that he is in really good hands. We were so pleasantly surprised by the orphanage he is in. It is very clean and organized, and the children all seem happy and healthy. The director, nannies, and other workers are all really amazing people. You can tell they love those kids and work hard to provide a safe and loving place for them. We are so thankful for these people that have taken care of and loved on our son.

We missed home, familiarity, a schedule, a home cooked meal, surprisingly enough, the Texas heat, and our beds. Having spent 2.5 weeks in Ethiopia I hope I can say I learned some patience, heck, we had to spend 3 hours at the airline ticket office just to get our flight out confirmed! Our driver was with us and laughed that we should be glad we were getting to experience what they have to go through just to get a plane ticket! I told him I should come back a much more patient person. :) 

We both learned a lot on this trip. Neither of us had ever left the country! It was quite the experience for us, we learned a lot about ourselves. I learned that I am a little more high maintenance than I thought, that I need to learn to go with the flow more, and that a hot shower isn't a necessity. I also learned that the amazing man that I married over 7 years ago, is an even more amazing father. He was loving, affectionate, caring, patient, and just the right balance of everything. I am so blessed to do life and family with him, and I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives as parents. It was a fun, emotional, exhausting 2.5 weeks together- we haven't spent more than 5 or 6 days off work together since before we were married, it was some sweet time together!

After a 15.5 hour flight, (that I slept 10+ hours of, PTL!) we had a long layover in Dulles and were able to get out and see some of DC! We have never been there before, so it was fun to be able to see some sights! We visited Arlington Cemetery where Chase's grandmother is buried, had lunch in Georgetown, had a DC Cupcake, saw the White House, Washington Monument, and did a LOT of walking. We finally made it home and crashed. Now we're getting things ready for him to come home, and praying that it is no more than 9 weeks. We already miss him like crazy, I don't quite know how I'm going to make it 9 weeks! It helps to know we're not alone. Our agency has a great community that is supportive and helpful throughout all the stages of the process! We are so thankful for the friends we have made along the way. 

We appreciate your prayers during this final waiting stage, the hardest part. Please join us in prayer for the following:
- That Eliyas' little heart is comforted and calmed throughout these weeks. We pray that he knows deep down he is loved and has a forever family and that we are coming back as soon as we can.
- We pray the Lord would start preparing his heart now for the change that is about to take place.
- That we would wait well- always relying on the Lord and trusting in His perfect plan & will.
- Pray that everything that needs to take place over the next 9 weeks happens on time with no hold ups. (We are also praying for a miracle, that he would clear quicker than 9 weeks! There is a certain test that has to happen that takes a minimum of 9 weeks to get the results on... we would love for this to happen quicker!)

Thank you for all your love, support, and prayers for all 3 of us. We have definitely felt them, please don't stop now! 

so far to find you {court trip days 4-5}

we were waiting and praying

and longing to bring you home

Our first official family photo after court! 

 Day 4: We started the day with pancakes, toast, and pineapple juice, then left to see our boy and start our day that would make us officially parents! We spent some time playing with Eliyas that morning, then left for lunch...and eventually court. Something you should know about Ethiopia...there is a thing we call, "Ethiopia time." We have quickly found out what hurried, rushed, and planned lives we live. Because here, a plan is meant to be changed, a schedule isn't a big deal, and if you're supposed to be at court at a certain time, it's not a problem if you're late. I was trying to get a plan nailed down with our guide on this day, explaining that if plan A couldn't be confirmed then we would just go with plan B... his response that we have since heard a few times more, "only heaven knows." 

and then we saw your face

in a moment you were wrapped up in our hearts

The last week has been such a whirlwind I honestly can't remember what time we were supposed to be at court or what time we arrived, (for those of you who know me and my memory...this is a strange occurrence) but I know I was panicking that we were late and we were going to have missed our appointment! We made it up the stairs to the third floor into this waiting room with a bunch of people. Thankfully, we got the hook-up with our agency, or maybe because the orphanage started with an "A", but we were called back immediately and we were out of there in no more than 10 minutes! It was very unofficial seeming for such an official thing... probably the easiest part of the whole process so far! We went in the room with the other AWAA families that had the same court date, the judge asked us all a few questions, and before we knew it she said something to the extent of, "Congratulations, your children are yours!" Some of the most beautiful words we have ever heard! I couldn't hold back tears of joy (there's been lots of those on this trip!) at the thought of our official forever family.

we took a step of faith 

and now here we are

We spent some more time with our son after court, telling him over and over we were officially a family and he was officially our son. A forever family. How I wish I could erase the hurt, pain, and tears from his past and future. Thankful that we have a Father who comforts and holds his heart in His hands. I am quickly being taught that as much as I think I can protect and comfort him, I will fail. So thankful for a God who will never fail him.

will you let me hold you in my arms tonight

i have come so far to find you

so far to find you

We also learned a lot about Eliyas on this day. Some things that were painful to hear, and some things that made my heart soar. We had quickly learned over the last 3 days how smart, caring, mature, easy-going, and loving he was. But to have all of these wonderful characteristics plus lots more confirmed by an outsider who has known him for the last year was so wonderful to hear. We learned he wants to be a doctor when he grows up and his favorite subjects are Environmental Science and English. (He continues to impress us with his English day by day!) We have been told by multiple people on this trip, "You are so lucky." We really are. We are truly blessed by how God has graciously allowed us to be this amazing boy's parents. 

from a world away, i journeyed

just to hold your hand

Day 5: Since we passed court and were officially a family, we were allowed to take Eliyas on an outing! We went to Entoto Mountain and took a tour of something historical. (I honestly couldn't tell you what it was exactly...apparently my brain is kind of mush at this point!) The important thing is we had a beautiful view of Addis and most importantly, we got to spend some special time with our boy!!! It was amazing how easy it was...it was as if we have been doing this for years. So natural, and so wonderful. We went to lunch at one of our favorite places so far, Island Breeze, where Eliyas made quick friends with Eli! Eli and his family are here for court to bring 2 new brothers into their family! We were encouraged that he connected so quickly with someone new that didn't speak his language. They have had a blast together ever since.

you will never be alone again

i've come so far to find you

so far to find you

That's all I've got for tonight... I will try to get the rest of the days out soon. The bottom line is that we are loving life as a family of 3, learning every day, and trusting in the Lord for His timing and His will. We appreciate your continued prayers. Some of the hardest days are ahead and we are leaning on God for strength! 


Zephaniah 3:17The Lord your God is in your midst,

    a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
    he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing

**lyrics from Casting Crowns' "So Far to Find You"